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I was a People Pleaser! Are you?

When I say people pleaser...I mean I always felt that people took advantage of me, used me, and I was angry.  I realized through therapy, that I was allowing this.  I was not a victim.  A more official word for people pleasing is Codependency.  I know that word sounds big and scary...and some understand it to be all about living with and loving alcoholics, but that's not necessarily true... it's so much more and affects so many of us.  Let me ask you a few questions...

*Do you think and feel responsible for other people--for other people's feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny?

*Do you feel anxiety or guilt when other people have a problem, and almost feel compelled to to help that person-by giving rapid fire suggestions, fixing their feelings?

*Do you over commit?  Then, feel pissed at the other person?

*Do you sometimes feel like you're crazy? 

*Do you come from a dysfuntional family? (probably 98% of American families are somewhat dysfunctional)

*Do you deny that your family was dysfunctional?

*Do you reject praise or compliments?  Get depressed that no one compliments you?

*Have you been the victim of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or alcoholism?

*Do you feel the need to be in control?  Have others called you controlling?

*Do you lose sleep over other people's problems or behaviors?

*Do you wonder why you don't have any energy?

*Do you overspend, overeat, over work, or deny these things too?

*Do you tolerate abuse to keep people loving you?

*Do you look for happiness outside yourself?  Maybe in other people?

*Do you find yourself in painful relationships?

*Do you think God has abandoned you?

*Do you cry alot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, do mean and nasty things to get even, act hostile, or have violent temper outbursts?

*Do you feel scared, hurt and angry?           

*Do you have sex problems?

*Have you not sought help in the past because you tell yourself the problems aren't that bad, or you aren't important enough for it?

I lived with the answer yes to all of these questions.  I was miserable.  I felt like my life was spinning out of control.  I thought I was crazy.  I loved people so much and also hated them.  I was physically sick all the time.  If any of this resonnates with you, it's okay.  There's hope!  I promise.  I am a recovering codependent now for 20 years.  I love my life!  I love my work!  I live for today.  I genuinely love me and others too.  My life has BALANCE. I feel GOOD.  You are not alone.  I can help you and support you as you get healthy, and go on to live you BEST LIFE EVER!

(Questions above taken from
Beattie, Melody (2009-06-10). Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself.  Hazelden Publishing. Kindle Edition.) 

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