I Was A Doormat! Are You?Jan 12, 2022
When I say I was a doormat, I mean I always felt like I was being taken advantage of, like people used me, walked all over me and I was becoming resentful. I realized through my own personal work, that I was actually allowing all of these things. I wasn’t a victim. A more official word for doormat is Codependency. I know that word sounds big and scary…and some understand it to be all about living with and loving alcoholics, but that’s not necessarily true… it’s so much more and affects so many of us on a continuum. This isn’t about a diagnosis. It’s about knowing where to start to change your behaviors. Let me ask you a few questions…
*Do you think and feel responsible for other people–for other people’s feelings, thoughts, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, lack of well-being, and ultimate destiny?
*Do you feel anxiety or guilt when other people have a problem, and almost feel compelled to help that person-by giving rapid fire suggestions, fixing their feelings?
*Do you over commit? Then, feel pissed at the other person?
*Do you sometimes feel like you’re crazy?
*Do you come from a dysfunctional family? (probably 98% of American families are somewhat dysfunctional)
*Do you deny that your family was dysfunctional?
*Do you reject praise or compliments? Get depressed that no one compliments you?
*Have you been the victim of sexual, physical, or emotional abuse, neglect, abandonment, or alcoholism?
*Do you feel the need to be in control? Have others called you controlling?
*Do you lose sleep over other people’s problems or behaviors?
*Do you wonder why you don’t have any energy?
*Do you overspend, overeat, over work, or deny these things too?
*Do you tolerate abuse to keep people loving you?
*Do you look for happiness outside yourself? Maybe in other people?
*Do you find yourself in painful relationships?
*Do you think God has abandoned you?
*Do you cry a lot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, do mean and nasty things to get even, act hostile, or have violent temper outbursts?
*Do you feel scared, hurt and angry?
If you found yourself resonating with many of these questions, or my story, I encourage you to begin to love yourself as much as you can! You can change this doormat thing! I promise!
These questions adapted from: Codependent No More, by Melody Beattie
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